Qianz | Challenge Your Limits

Sunday, April 27, 2008
21:40

my friends always say "yi qian, ni shi xing fu de"

i don't deny that i'm really very fortunate.. i live in a semi-detached, i have my own room, i'm a sub member of a country club, i have many friends and i get to learn piano, violin, karate, and not long ago last year, i took up lifesaving course.. my life is really very colourful as some may say but they do now know that even though i get to do alot of things that i like, i may not be all that happy..

in fact, to me, having a family or not does not really make a difference to me.. i'm not saying this because my family members are not good to me, its just that my family is unlike others.. we each have our own separate lives despite living under the same roof, quarrels can be heard almost every day and sometimes, we don't even seem to know what's going on with each other's lives..

me for instance, when i was sec 3 and 4, i was shortlisted to represent the school for the 1500m event during the 4 school sports meet.. i was really elated to get the news and i told my family when i went home.. they did not congratulate me.. in fact, they just continue to do their own stuff as if they had not heard me.. another event when i was sec 3 was when i was marching for ndp.. my family was busy so the two tickets for one of the preview was given to my grandma and my aunt.. although i really hoped that it was my parents who came but i was still glad that my grandma and my aunt took their time to come.. furthermore, they said that they were really proud of me when i went over to their house that night.. sec 4, i marched during syf.. guides had the best tickets that is directly facing the parade ground.. somemore, the prime minister also sat at that area that day.. at the parade ground, i was so happy as i thought that my parents can have the best view of the squad that i'm in.. but alas, nobody turned up as they are all busy.. so basically, i was happy for nothing.. i have 3 violin concerts so far.. i think they attended my first one.. but for the second one, they sort of came reluctantly and they just left right after my performance.. they did not even wait for the whole concert to end to send me home.. in the end, the music school's principal have to send me to my friend's house because i did not feel like going home.. my latest concert took place just the start of this year and only my mum turned up.. i wonder whether any of them will turn up for the next one..

now i'm going to talk about my family members.. but before i start, i'll have to talk about myself.. i'm very stubborn especially when it comes to me quarrelling with my family members.. i have a bad temper and i get frustrated easily..

my father is also very stubborn. and he always thinks he's right.. he likes to pick on whatever i do and when i rebutt, we'll quarrel.. in the past, he will beat me up.. now, he wil simply chase me out of my house.. just this year, we quarrelled again and he took out all my clothes from my wardrobe and threw them on the ground.. he asked me to get out which i did not because my mum told me not to do silly stuff.. so in the end, i just sat there and cried while slowly packing my clothes back into the wardrobe.. i can say that i really hate him for it is him that cause all the havoc in the family.. even when we go out as a family or even during vacations, he would somehow make some comments which would end up in some sort of quarrel which would eventually leave the whole family feeling unhappy.. if he can jolly well keep his mouth shut for once, the whole house would be a better place to live in.. fortunately for my family, he goes on business trips at least twice a year which leaves the house a more peaceful place.. also, i have learnt to ignore his presence so i won't get into trouble with him so easily..

i love my mum the most.. she's really very nice but she loses her temper very easily.. from this, you can see that my character is a hybrid of my parents.. whenever she quarrels with my dad or when any of my siblings made her angry, she would start venting her anger on the rest of us.. she won't resort to beating us but she will start scolding us and very loudly at that.. i don't know about my siblings but i will feel very frustrated in the end and lock myself in my room..

i was, and perhaps still am, close to my 2nd sister.. sometimes, when the time is right, we can talk for very very long and start pouring out all our troubles to each other..but this kind of occasion is really rare for we are both really busy now with our own studies.. but she has changed.. i'm not sure when, but after she stepped into her sec school, she bacame more materialistic.. although she's not like those who wear thick make up when they go out, she has indeed bought many many items ranging from bags, shoes, clothes, etc.. she is always complaining that she does not have enough money but she actually spent 100 bucks to perm her hair! which i felt looked totally redundant on her.. i really miss the old her..

my 3rd sister.. i'm always quarrelling with her.. she's always doing things to make me angry and she is always so irresponsible especially when it comes to our lifesaving course.. the thing about lifesaving course is that one will need a partner when joining this course as every test aspect in practical requires one to be the victim and the other to be the lifesaver.. she is always finding excuses to not go which puts me in a dilemma as i really hope to get my bm asap so i can really focus on my As.. but obviously, she's not helping me out in any way..

lastly, it would be my little brother.. the only thing about him is that he lacks self-confidence.. he just tends to give up too easily.. he would be the only one i can confide in if i have any troubles but sadly, he is too young to understand what i'm going through now..

well, people think, and i do not deny, that i have many friends.. many good friends to add on to that.. but whenever i'm feeling really sad or troubled, i can't seem to find anyone to talk to.. i believe that my friends are more than willing to sit there and listen to me and even comfort me but somehow, i do not like the idea of that.. don't ask me why.. i'm not sure myself.. so in the end, i'll confide in my hamsters or my soft toys.. pathetic huh.. weird enough, i like people to pour out their troubles to me.. i'll just sit there quietly listening to them until they feel better.. perhaps through this, i'll feel that i'm needed by others? or to make me feel better about my own life upon hearing about how bad others' were? i think i'm a jerk if the latter was my real intention.. which i seriously hope not..

why i'm saying all these is not so people will know about how sad or pathetic i am.. i just hope that through blogging, i can pen down all my thoughts so that i can make myself feel better.. i do not want people to start tagging on my board trying to console me or even trying to console me when i'm in school.. these are just feelings that i've hidden deep inside my heart for very long.. i guess this must be the reason why i do not hope to have many people know about my blog..

lastly, although i've written so much, i'm still the happy-go-lucky yi qian that everyone knows.. usually when anything happens, those emotions from yesterday would be gone once i wake up the next morning.. therefore, to anyone who might think this way, i'm NOT putting a fake front when i'm in school or outside with my friends.. i'm TRULY happy! i'm really HAPPY when i see my friends in school each day.. i'm really HAPPY when i see my ODAC friends.. even my enthusiasm when i see my eye candy or when i reunite with my kindergarten friend is TRUE! the yi qian that is ever so happy has been like that ever since she was a little girl.. she do not let all the stress or problems get to her.. she just simply face them with a smile and live on bravely.. what's more, she loves to remember all the small little things people do for her that makes her happy.. she will also be very happy even if its some minor things that happened to her.. that is why you will always see her smiling..

so to all my friends out there who happen to see this post.. do not get too bothered about it for just being able to see you guys would already make my life very delightful!

-Qianz-

found out something very exciting on friday which made me really high!!! ZHENG JIE YANG IS MY KINDERGARTEN CLASSMATE!!! its like oh my god la! he's my sister's and two of my childhood friends' wushu friend and little did i know he was my kindergarten classmate! he's currently also studying in NYJC and he said he saw my name in our k2 graduation photo! this world is really small!!! its like a reunion la!!! SO HAPPY!!!

and i went to ya ying's blog just now and found some ODAC's photos.. unquestioningly, my handsome face will be in each photo! LOL!

ya ying and i during cca bazaar 2008! LOL!

this is ODAC doing warm up before water pt.. taken on 090408.. i'm the one wearing army shorts.. X)

taken after we have completed 20 laps.. got nothing better to do and i look very weird in the photo!

a scene when we were playing ODAC's very own contact captain! the guy in the photo is none other than de xian aka xianxian, my eye candy!!! XD

ya ying, me and li ling after we finish bathing.. i really LOVE this picture! i look damn handsome la!!! HAHA!

james, me, li ling, pris, MY EYE CANDY and ya ying!!!

-Qianz-

Sunday, April 20, 2008
14:39

friday, i left school at arnd 1600 n i reached home at arnd 1630.. i slept for 2 hrs before i left for my lifesaving course..

lifesaving course.. e usual 8 laps of warm up which i finally completed in target time which is within 11 mins! 10 mins n 45 secs! although it may not seem to be very fast, but its my new record for now n it will definitely get better.. XD after that, did one set of towing followed my interval training.. it was my first time doing this n i still can't believe that i actually completed it! we are instructed to sprint two laps within 3 min using frontcrawl, followed by 30 secs break, n then sprint again! we did e sprinting 10 times!

i was really shag after that but i couldn't rest.. reached home at arnd 2115 with zhiling(my mum picked her up on e way home), n she helped me choose e shoes for drama night n we left for school for another nightcycling recce..

reached school at 2200 where we had our debrief, final checking of bikes etc n we left school..

this recce was definitely much better than e previous one! it started raining halfway through e journey when we were at orchard area n we all took shelter at e building beside hilton hotel.. when e rain subsided a little at 0400, e fun began! for safety reasons, we decided to take up one whole lane n we were cycling in 2 columns! it was damn cool la! especially with e rain, we literally chiong our way through with puddles of water splashing onto ourselves! initially we would all scream n shout when we go through these puddles but gradually we got used to it n just let e water drench us all out! e coolest part was when we were nearing the eating place 'teh tarik' at joo chiat.. daniel shouted for us to go in a single file due to e narrow road n we were like some kinda performers gliding into place.. e whole scene was really very very cool! we did not stop to eat as most of us had alr eaten while waiting for e rain to stop.. thus, we decided to chiong all e way baq to school!

reached school at arnd 0500 where we all sat outside e ODAC store n started chatting away.. e feeling was really nice n it was definitely a moment which i will never forget! after some time, we were all resting n we had breakfast at arnd 0730.. after that, i left for home n changed before setting off to yangzheng to overlook e new j1s who just took over for peer tutoring.. left at 1200 n rushed home to change to my uniform of which i rushed to school again for college day.. collected my class t before e event n went to e hall. college day was really a waste of time la! luckily i was tired enough to sleep all e way through..

after that, i went back home again n went to sleep.. i thot i had my alarm set at 1645 but i woke at 1900 which was really terrible as drama night starts st 1930 at The Singapore Repertory Theatre, which is at clarke quay! asked my mum to send me there n on e way, i realised sth that was really dumb.. i checked my alarm n it wrote 1445! i guess i was really too tired that i can even set e wrong alarm time! haiz.. was late for half an hour n did not really understand e first show for that night..

during intermission, i saw xianxian! he's officially peaksiah's n my eye candy! he is not bad looking, has good character, 183cm, n haf 6 pacs! just talking about him alone can alr make me faint la! but that is not e best part.. after e show ended, peaksiah n i saw moomoo!!! he is our ODAC senior who is always there for us when we needed any help n he has greatly inspired us! although i don't really know how, he's just our inspiration! his presence alone is enough to make us happy for e whole day! took photos with xianxian n moomoo n much more with my classmates!

walked arnd n snacked with peaksiah, debbie n suklum.. another nice thing that happened was that i saw darren n my bro james! it has been a while since i last saw them and seeing them really made me very very happy! finally left clarke quay at 2300 n reached home at midnight where i almost immediately, plopped on my bed n fell asleep..

i'm blogging down all these as i felt that these r memories which i will never ever wan to forget.. i will post up e pictures once i received them n if i rmbr to.. XD

-Qianz-

Saturday, April 12, 2008
00:17

hm.. now the time is 0017hrs and i'm gonna go for nightcycling in about another 22 plus hrs..

received my pw results and i got a B for it.. having mixed feelings now as i do not know whether to be happy or sad for my results.. well. i'm happy because my group's written report totally screwed up and its a miracle that i actually got a B! but i'm also quite disappointed because deep inside i really hoped for an A(well, who doesn't?).. to add on to that, all my group members got the same results.. this means that that one person who did nothing much for our group got the same as all of us who did like more than twice than what he did.. which means? I'M REALLY PISSED OFF!!! but well, what can i do? the results are out already..

n recently, i felt that i've grown up much more.. forget about all the stupid things which i still do in school, i finally started to really work hard and managed to complete 3 tutorials in 1 week! it may seem like nothing but for someone who, for the whole of j1 and even before block test, can't even complete 1 tutorial in god knows how many weeks, its really a big achievement.. what's more, i'm able to answer questions during chem tutorial! omg! i guess i have finally woken up.. although i may be still fooling around, but i believe i'll gradually change for the better and be really proud of myself at the end of the day!

another thing that i realised is that i'm becoming more and more naggy! wth! around 1 hour ago, i nagged at my third sister for i think about 15 mins? or even more? although i can't say that i'm a perfect person, which i'm obviously not, i sincerely hope that my sister can understand what i'm trying to tell her.. i know she'll find me really irritating but what can i do? i'm her sister after all.. guess its my duty ba..

tomorrow or should i say today, will be an awfully long day! peer tutoring in the morning, chung cheng's bazaar in the afternoon, maybe support my school's dragonboat team for 'A' div(if there's time), violin lessons in the evening, and nightcycling recce really late at night until the next day before i go for my piano lessons(that is if i'm still surviving), n to my hairdresser's baby's one month old celebration in the afternoon.. after that i'll go to sleep and try to wake up at night to study for tuesday's chem test.. woah! my timetable's really packed.. hope i won't get big eyebags after that..

I MUST END MY POST HERE LE! any more i think i'll die of overexhaustion at the end of everything!

-Qianz-

Thursday, April 10, 2008
21:41

my beloved hamster jiajia passed away on monday morning.. she first arrived at my house somewhere near the end of august in the year 2006.. i think she was already 2 or 3 yrs old then and she was given to my sister by her friend.. apparently, i'm the one who's taking the most care of the hamsters by providing them with their daily meals although they rightfully belong to her..

i'm sad when she died but i got over it as soon as i left for school.. guess i was already numb to this kind of situation..

i used to weep a little even if its just a fish in my pond that died but after the many deaths of my hamsters in the past(i used to have like 15? but they died of either old age or sickness), i'm already pretty much used to it..

here are some photos of the ever so active jiajia..

my jiajia always loves to climb around her cage as if its some kind of monkey bar or something but i didn't really take photos of her doing all these.. instead all the photos taken are mainly her sleeping photos.. well, she looked the sweetest at that time ya?

and since she's now gonna sleep forever, i guess all i can do is to wish her a safe journey and that she can join her family(if any) in her afterlife..

-Qianz-